There’s a tree in my living room, lights on my window and people posting memes about whether or not it should be ‘Merry Christmas’ or ‘Happy Holidays’ on Facebook. Must be December! Traditionally this is a time of year when I feel very stressed. All I can say is thank god for online shopping! My moods are improving bit by bit thanks to a new drug, but it’s not always easy for me to go out and do what everyone else does and so it really has been something I’m very grateful for.
Something else that I’m grateful for is just simply the fact that I’m still here. There were times this year when it could have easily been otherwise. Thankfully it wasn’t and as we are almost at the close of another year I can’t help but look back at what 2014 has been like.
In March I lost my Dad somewhat suddenly, and then later on in the year I lost several other people, not through death but through realizing that anyone who can say or believe terrible things about me is not someone I want around myself or my children. That was a rough transition too. There was also another hospitalization, paralyzing depression, and Electroshock Therapy. I also released The Devil and the Dirt Road (my first horror novel) The Unborn and Progeny (books 3 and 4 in The Vampires of Soldiers Cove Series). I guess you could say it’s been a full year. Ups and downs all around.
December always makes me contemplative, and so as I reflect back on the events of my own life this year, I also think about others in my life who are no longer here, especially the ones who are not with us because they ended their lives by their own hand. This can be a terrible time of year for people who are alone and/or suffer from mental health issues (although it’s a myth that suicides go up at Christmas. They actually peak in the spring) and I also think about those of you who may be reading this that are contemplating doing the same.
To you I would like to say this:
You matter! That’s it. Even if you think you don’t, trust me, you do. Someone needs you. Someone wants to see you and is thinking about you. People don’t always take the time to show it but that doesn’t make it any less true. Please, if you’re suffering, reach out and talk to somebody. That might be all it takes. If you’re reading this you obviously have a computer. Please google suicide hotlines/crisis lines and talk to someone. I used to volunteer at a crisis line back about seven or eight years ago, and trust me, each and every person sitting in that chair answering that phone cares about you. They wouldn’t take time out of their busy lives and go sit in a tiny little room for hours on end for free if they didn’t.
I have a book coming out next year (I’m looking at a February release) called: The Option. If you’ve read my blog or been on my Facebook page you may have heard me speak about it. I had originally called it Brotherhood of Man, but the title has been changed. It’s set in a dystopian future where people are openly encouraged by the government to end their lives via a live ceremony if they have become ‘non-contributors’ and one man’s struggle to come to terms with his uncle’s decision to partake.
Since the topics of depression and suicide are something that have touched me and most people I know I will be donating $2.00 from the sale of every paperback to FEED Nova Scotia (They actually run the provincial crisis line now). The eBook will be available for free as much as possible and will never be more than $0.99. It will also be available for free through Kindle Unlimited for those of you who have access to that.
Charlie Gower is a protagonist near and dear to my heart and I am excited to share his story with you. But for now, please reach out if you are suffering. Moods are like weather patterns, they can shift, so don’t give up.